RJ and I broke up because he decided to try and cheat on me.
And I'm just absolutely done with his bullshit.
We're on talking terms right now, and I don't want that to change, but I feel like if he's ever gonna get over me, then he's gonna need to stop talking to me for a while.

But Andrew is just so sweet. He's really cute. And he kind of sounds like Michael Cera when he talks.

My friend invited me to lunch with him and his friends, and I was reluctant to go, but I did anyway.
And then a few more people sat down, and there he was. My first thought was literally "i hope hes not gay." cause all of the cute guys are usually gay, right? Well when mostly everyone was gone, we started talking about our past relationships, and low and behold, he's straight and single. 

And we hit it off pretty much.

He's such a sweetheart.

I thought I'd never trust after RJ.

But I trust him. I believe everything that he says. For only knowing him 4 days, I get a very good feeling about him. I feel safe. 
We were sitting in his car today, and he said I was pretty. When I made a >.< face, he said that he was telling the truth. And he took my hand, and told me to say I'm pretty. and i just dont know. It was a very sweet gesture, and for once, I felt pretty.

I hope things work out with us. 
I really like him. 

I thought Tumblr was going to be a place where I could interact with other kids in band, that share my same passion. I thought I wouldn't be judged.

Well it was until someone in pit found it and showed everyone else.
And it's just a huge mess and people are so fake it's gross. 

So I'm keeping my Xanga, it's just going to be heavily guarded. And the second I start seeing footprints from my area, I'm deactivating/deleting whatever.

I don't like writing in journals anymore, I have so much on my mind and so much to say it's just easier to type it. 
So, I'll be making a slow transition back. 

• Sunday I cleaned my fucking room for 10 hours. From 5pm - 2am.
• Monday I woke up at 7am to go to band camp, and at 1pm, I walked 30 minutes in a fucking thunderstorm to my boyfriends house. We started cleaning his downstairs at 2pm, painted the ceiling, painted the walls, and kept cleaning. We finished at like, 9pm. Me and RJ dicked (lulz, not like that) around and relaxed together until 2am. I fell asleep watching HIMYM with him. Btw, we slept in the same bed together for the first time. =] <3
• Today, RJs alarm woke me up at 8am. I layed in bed until 9:30am. We immediately started cauking and spackling the hole in his wall. We painted the ceiling/walls literally from 10am to at least 5pm.

And don’t get me wrong. I’d do anything for RJ and his family. I love them to death. I don’t mind cleaning and painting all day with them. It was really fun, and I made a permanent mark on the house. Plus, me and his dad were talking. He asked me what my plans for a career were, and when I said teaching, he said “That’s awesome. You know, there are a lot of husband and wife teachers now a days. They seem to do very well.”Husband and wife teachers. That really made my day.

Anyway, we had chicken and dumplings for dinner. That made my day today. He said he made them just for me. I really love his dad. 

But, I fucking come home. I’ve been home for about an hour.
I was about to punch a bitch on the way home.

My mom told me that my fucking FATHER isn’t allowed in our fucking house. Because “he doesn’t pay the bills, and I need to get over him.” Which a a TON of bullshit. She started seeing Bill literally 2 weeks after she signed the fucking divorce paper, I think she’s fucking over my dad. And the bullshit about he doesn’t pay for the bills? I spend 4/7 days of the week at RJs house. I don’t help pay for their bills (when I move in I will). It’s called letting the man be a fucking GUEST. Seriously, he’s in the fucking house for 5 minutes when he picks up Kyle and Carlee to go to his house for the weekend. And that’s it.

She’s such a fucking paranoid bitch. She thinks that she’s a fucking princess, and she’s entitled to do/have everything that she fucking wants. “Hey, were living paycheck to paycheck. I’m gonna go get my nails done.” That’s $40/2weeks, or $80 a month we could be putting towards something else. She changed the locks on the fucking house. She put a lock on her fucking bedroom door. Did I mention that it’s my grandfathers fault? He’s fucking old as dirt, and thinks because he was a teacher that taught HS dropouts, he knows everything in the fucking world, and he doesn’t. Time have fucking changed.

THEN

MY LITTLE FUCKING SISTER waltzed downstairs in one of my fucking shirts. AGAIN. I’m so fucking sick of this little bitch just fucking taking my shit. And my mother literally does not fucking care anymore. She didn’t tell her to take it off. MY NAME IS WRITTEN ON THE TAG FOR CHRISTS SAKE. JUST BECAUSE YOU WASHED IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT ITS YOURS FOR THE MOTHER FUCKING WEARING.

I‘m literally about to beat the fucking shit out of her. I don’t know what the hell else to do.

end rant. commence shitty mood.